Benjamin Preston & Burnt Apple Cream Pie

Dear DiaLog,

I guess I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been completing Liv’s  ‘Get Over Tom Quick Scheme’ for the past nine days, which I guess brings us to “Day 10: Blind date set up by Liv *NOT HAPPENING Sing *insert good ‘I’m over you’ song here* really, really loudly’.

This song, I’ve decided is none other than Taylor Swift’s ‘You Belong with Me’. But maybe don’t tell Liv… it’s not exactly an ‘I’m over you song’…

So it’s been a while huh? A lot has been going on… I mean, remember I told you that Benjamin Preston was coming over for dinner (and Mum was making pie?) – well that was 5 days ago. Allow me to tell you the story:

He was coming at 6 for (as Mum calls it), ‘coffee and cake’. At about 5:30pm Mum had changed about 5 times, Terri had changed 20 times and Dad was still in his pyjamas. Bradley was picking up Abigail from her flute lesson and they were arriving at quarter to 6 (which of course they did… practically perfect in every way) and at five minutes to 6, Terri was crying about her hair when there was a knock at the door. Of course this was cunningly covered up when she told him she had ‘got something in her eye’, to which he responded by trying to assist her in removing an invisible eyelash.

Ben shook hands with Dad… “Firm handshake. Good man.”
Mum kissed his cheek (I later saw him wipe off her plum coloured lipstick in the hall mirror about a minute later) and Bradley and Abigail smiled politely… as they do… and welcomed him to our house.

The poor guy. 3 minutes in and he already looked like he wanted to run.

The rest of the night was much the same. Mum ‘casually’ put on some Michael Bublé during dinner, lit about 20 candles (the smoke alarm when off twice…) and covered up the burnt apple pie by covering it with pre-whipped, canned cream. And furthermore, a pile of canned apples. Gross.

As for Tom? Well, I’m trying to forget him. Him and Kia are subtle but obvious – I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before.

Anyway, I’ll keep you posted.

This is Allie Fisher saying seeya… and PLEASE don’t try my Mum’s apple pie recipe. Seriously… disgusting.

LOVE!

Allie

Her Name is Kia

Dear DiaLog,

Maybe I was a little harsh in my last post… (maybe Liv made me say that?) but in all seriousness, I didn’t mean to be rude about Kia. Yep, that’s her name. Tom and Kia… just doesn’t sound right, hey? It’s like there’s a lag between the Tom and the ‘K’… K’s such a harsh sounding letter when put with a smooth sounding name like Tom. Plus, who names their kid after a car?

‘Tom and Allie’ on the other hand… now that’s more like it.

I guess you would have read yesterday that I kind of got myself into an awkward situation. Sorry, no… LIV got me into an awkward situation. So much for being my ‘wingwoman’ Livy, not only do you encourage me to go for guys who are taken (which in my defence I DID NOT KNOW!) but you also assist me in not only messing up a chance at ‘something special’ but also at any kind of normal friendship with a guy (who I possibly maybe want to end up with).

‘So who’s Kia?’ You’re all asking… ‘And what did the text say!?’ Calm down. I’ll get there.

Basically, Kia’s the ‘new girl in town’. Why is it that guys are all fascinated with the new kids? I have a good mind to pack up all my things in boxes, move to another country (don’t worry Liv, you can come), and move back, just to get their attention. Not that I’m attention seeking… but still. Not such a bad idea. Liv? What do you say?

Anyway, Kia’s like an older, less conservative, more outgoing and definitely more popular version of my little sister Abigail. She’s slightly curly, honey blonde, green-blue eyes, slim, tall, polite, funny, perfect, perfect, annoyingly perfect, Kia. And THIS is why her message read like this:

Hi Allie,

I don’t think we’ve met before

but my name is Kia and I’m with
Tom. I don’t want anything to be

awkward – Tom’s a great guy, I

don’t blame you.

Sorry,

K x

I mean, seriously?! How sickly sweet can you be when breaking bad news? I’m not dying here; don’t whip out your bedside manner. But being honest? I’d find it so much easier to hate her if she wasn’t so nice… I mean, aside from her being a boyfriend stealer *cut that out, he wasn’t your boyfriend guy stealer, she actually seems like the kind of girl Livy and I would have been friends with. WHY?! Why does this have to be so complicated.

Anyway… Liv (oh Liv, remind me why I’m doing this?) has decided that in order to ‘move on’ I need a ‘Get Over Tom Quick Scheme’. Yes, this may involve a white board and coloured markers. It may go something like this:

Day 1: Chocolate. Chocolate. More Chocolate.

Day 2: Ice-Cream (to be shared with Livy) and a chick flick (preferably How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days)

Day 3: Coffee and Benjamin Preston watching at Coffee on the Corner

Day 4: Let’s Stalk Kia Robson day: Google, Facebook and Interrogation

Day 5: Wave at Tom day (designed to acknowledge Tom in a ‘normal’ way in order to return to a ‘normal’ friendship)

Day 6: Text Tom day (STRICTLY NO LIV INVOLVEMENT) and apologise *Make sure to say ‘you don’t have to reply to this message’.

Day 7: More Ice-Cream (preferably Neapolitan) and another chick flick (preferably 10 Things I Hate about You)

Day 8: Make a list of 10 reasons NOT to like Tom

Day 9: Do something crazy with Liv

Day 10: Blind date set up by Liv *NOT HAPPENING Sing *insert good ‘I’m over you’ song here* really, really loudly

And THAT, my friends, is how I (well, Liv you can take the credit for this one) propose to get over Tom.

Fingers crossed that one works.

LOVE!

Allie

Tom's Terrible at Texting

Dear DiaLog,

I know there’s only one thing you really want to know right now – what did Tom say? – patience friends. I’ll get there.

For you to understand exactly how we got thus far, you need to know a few things:

Thing number 1: My best friend is full of wonderfully stupid ideas

Thing number 2: I wish mobile phones had never been invented

Thing number 3: I owed Liv a cup of coffee

I’m sure there’s loads more ‘things’ but basically, if you’ve skipped ahead then read on back… it’ll make more sense.

So there I was, 11 o’clock am, sitting in ‘Coffee on the Corner’ (also known as Terri’s new boyfriend’s workplace), phone on the table, staring at the screen. The conversation which followed went something like this:

“Staring at it’s not going to do anything Allie.”
“I don’t care. I can’t believe he hasn’t replied – of all the messaged I could ever send him, this is the only one that would EVER demand a reply. And he hasn’t.”
“Just give it time.”

So we waited. And we waited… and in the meantime we may have done a little bit of Benjamin Preston watching. One thing that’s really bugging me is that Ben is a nice guy… like, a genuinely nice guy. So WHAT is he doing with my sister?! *That was rude, cut that out… Not to say that Terri’s undeserving of him – I love her don’t get me wrong – but he’s not like her at all. I guess opposites attract. Allow me to provide you with exhibit A:

[8 o’clock am. Home. Way too early.]

I’m lying in bed, half awake and I hear banging across the hallway.
“Teresa! Shutup…” (I’m usually much more agreeable than this… but it was early)

“What?!”
“Be quiet.”
“You be quiet.”
“Fine.”
At this point, Miss Perfect comes walking down the hallway.
“Hey Terri? You’re waking everyone up. Are you going to work?”
“Hi Abigail… um yeah. Sorry.”
“That’s ok. Thanks.”
“All good.”

I mean…! See?! See what I put up with? And trust me… dialogue doesn’t do it half the justice. Might I just add that she never ‘got up’ for work? She was at a party until goodness knows when and then watched 3 movies… REALLY LOUDLY… in the lounge room next to me.

Now compare exhibit A with exhibit B:

[11 o’clock am. Coffee on the Corner. Still too early.]
I’m sitting at a table across from Liv, and at the next table sit a (rather adorable) older couple having a (pretty lovely) conversation about their granddaughters running achievements. (Turns out this kid is 2… but that’s besides the point).
[Call Me Maybe starts playing in the background… I know right? Classic coffee shop music… not]

“Oh, excuse me young man,” the old man beckons Ben Preston.
“Yes sir, what can I get for you?”
“No, no, not that. You see I’m trying to talk to my wife, but your music is very loud.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ll be sure to turn it down straight away.”
“Thank you.”

See what I mean?! Considerate! He’s definitely nothing like Teresa…

I know, I know. Sidetracked again. I’m sorry… where was I?

Text. Waiting. Boredom. Ben Preston. Coffee… mmm. Coffee. The text. I know what you’re thinking. What an idiot, right? Seriously Tom, text her back. Allie why do you want to be with this guy anyway? Everyone knows that non-texter-backers are the worst people to be in a relationship with. Imagine being uncontactable… but honestly? Tom’s not a bad guy. He’s just got really bad taste in girls.

And how do I know that? Tom never texted me back…

But his girlfriend did.

This is (an incredibly embarrassed..) Allie Fisher saying Seeya… I’m going to need that pillow again.

LOVE! - Who needs it?

Allie

HELP! Liv Made Me Do Something Crazy!

Dear DiaLog,

No. No. No. No. No. That did NOT just happen. This is like one of those horrible nightmares where you wake up and almost die of relief because none of it was real… well I just ‘woke up’… and I don’t feel so relieved.

It all started when Terri finally opened up to me about the mysterious Mr. Benjamin (Ben) Preston. It turns out that Facebook was right about him (trusty old Facebook, you never let me down…) and he does indeed have blue eyes and brown hair, and work in a café and study psychology… and it also turns out that my sister has had a ‘thing’ for him for the past … well… a fair few years. The alleged ‘café’ (otherwise known as ‘Coffee on the Corner’) happens to be one of our favourite spots and a few months ago, Terri waited for his shift to finish before getting up to leave, walking just quickly enough to overtake him, but slowly enough that he had a chance to say ‘you first’ and hold the door open for her while she ducked through. ‘You first’ led to ‘so you work here?’ led to ‘my name is…’ led to ‘here’s my number’ led to ‘ok, call me’ led to here. Smooth one Teresa. She’s sly… but you have to hand it to her.

As I recounted this (though in a rather extended version) to Livy, I couldn’t help but notice that after a while she stopped focusing on me and started looking at the ceiling. Why the ceiling? Who knows… I guess that’s where you look when you’re deep in thought? Anyway, while Liv was ceiling staring and I was story regurgitating the cogs in my mind started to clink together with those in Liv’s and I said ‘No!’ She just smiled. The conversation that followed went something like this:

“No what?!” *still smiling*
“I know what you’re thinking.”
“What are you, telepathic? What am I thinking?”
“Just because Terri has the guts to tell a guy she likes him doesn’t mean that I have to. Terri’s a go-getter… I’m a wait-for-them-to-‘go get’-me.”
“Just write a text… you don’t have to send it, but I’ll bet you a coffee at ‘Coffee on the Corner’ that you will.”

“Fine. But I’m not sending it.”
“What’s the worst that can happen? You get free coffee.”

So I did. And THIS is why I’m not speaking to Liv.

You know when you have 2 classes in the same classroom and different seats in each but you automatically go to one of them even when it’s the class you sit in the other one? It’s like your brain’s on autopilot… except it was my finger, not my legs. And my brain definitely wasn’t switched on. It may or may not have gone soooomething like this:

Hey Tom. I know we dnt really

talk much but I guess I’d like th@

2 change. I really admire u &

I’d like 2 get 2 know u better.
I’ve liked u for a really long

time & its really hard not

knowing if there is any chance

for us in the future.

Want to go out with me some

time?

*Please note that somewhere around here, Liv grabbed my phone and started tampering with my message…

I think I might be in <3 with u.

*This is where I grab my phone back… unaware of what will happen…!!!

Anyway. Think abt it.
LOVE!
Allie xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

*DRUM ROLL*

SEND

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO………………………………………………

He hasn’t responded.

This is Allie and I have to go and put my head under my pillow and scream until I forget that Tom even exists. Seeya…

LOVE! – Except if you’re Tom. I didn’t mean it like that L

Allie

My Sister's Secret

Dear DiaLog,

So it (‘it’ being the story of Terri and the mysterious ‘boyfriend’ boy) started yesterday when Terri ‘casually’ mentioned she might have started dating someone. Naturally I had some questions (which of course my sister failed to answer) so naturally I needed to find my own answers. How? Research…

I may be bad at maths, but research is definitely one of my strong points. Yes, I may have googled him and yes, there may have been a little bit of Facebook stalking. Ok, so there may have been a lot of Facebook stalking. Annnnddd there may have been interrogation. Nothing creepy.

Here’s what I found:

Source 1: Facebook

·      Name: Benjamin Preston

·      Brown hair

·      Blue eyes (Good start…)

·      Way too many friends (Popular?)

·      Works at a café

·      Psychology student (Smart?)

·      ‘Single’ (Pfffttt…. As if)

Source 2: Google

·      There are 25 professionals on LinkedIn called Benjamin Preston (Thanks Google…)

·      Seriously… nothing.

Source 3: Interrogation – The Siblings

For source three (also known as ‘The Interrogation’) I went directly to the siblings. Which went something like this:

“Abigail, have you noticed anything weird about Terri?”
“You mean the fact that she finally cares about how she looks? I saw her putting on eye makeup this morning.”
“I know, what’s with that?”
“Someone’s got a boyfriend…”
“You know?”
“Yep.”
“Tell me what you know!”

Which was pretty much nothing. Trust my perfect younger sister to know everything there IS to know without being told a single thing. Seriously – how annoyingly ‘good’ can you get???

What we DID deduce is that Mum and Dad know – and what’s more? Mum invited him over for dinner. There’s talk of an apple pie. Kill me now.

You might be wondering by now (or maybe you’re not…?) why I really care about my sister’s love life. Why is that interesting? You may or may not have realized, but I don’t exactly have one… but I’ll keep you posted. Literally.

This is Allie Fisher, insane sister and hopeless romantic freak, saying ‘seeya’…

*STILL NEED NEW SIGN OFF

LOVE!

Allie